"She's Still Alive?!"

Well, it's been a while... by which I mean over two months.

Believe me, I'm not happy about the break. However, I've been busy in the past month. If you follow me on Tumblr or Twitter, you'll know I graduated from a school I attended for 5 years, said goodbye to good friends, had to put down a dog I've had for 10 y
ears, and dealt with various anxieties and family issues.

Did I mention that I also flew to Boston to attend Harvard University for the summer? It's now been a week since classes started, and I've had to make several adjustments. Due to my educational history, I'm unused to being surrounded by so many people. In the past two weeks, since beginning the program, I've met as many people as I did for four years.

My courses are also very different. My first one, on Mondays and Wednesdays, is an English class focusing on tragedies. We've been reading Sophocles' Theban plays and will cover Shakespeare, Ibsen, Beckett, and Tennessee Williams. My second class, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, is a Creative Writing course focusing on short stories. We've been reading and analyzing stories from The Scribner Anthology of Contemporary Short Fiction, and our first story is due on Tuesday.

In this post, I thought I'd discuss my experiences in the CREA class.

So far, classes have consisted of some writing and some discussion. Discussion has focused on stories vs. anecdotes (and how stories include a central conflict) and flat vs. round characters. I haven't found the discussions to be especially illuminating yet, as it's covered devices I'm already familiar with, but they'd probably make a good introduction for someone who doesn't read writers' blogs for fun.

Lamont Library

Writing exercises, meanwhile, have been more rewarding. In the first exercise, the class was given 15 minutes to write a story beginning with the words "once upon a time." The results were interesting. About half the class wrote fairy tale-like stories, others wrote about past societies (I wrote about a boy surviving the destruction of a Makah village in the 1500s), and a few students came up with various other topics. In a few cases, it was obvious that classmates deliberately tried to avoid cliche in their subjects, to varying degrees of success. The fellow high school students especially preferred the last approach, writing stories about dystopias, anthropomorphic rocks, and the old "I was given a writing prompt in class when..." premise.

In the second writing exercise, our instructor gave the class about 30-45 minutes to begin a story which we'll complete in class (with revisions following.) I definitely didn't prefer writing in class (due largely to a lack of inspiration.) However, it did force me to write when I normally wouldn't choose to, which I think is a positive experience for any writer. Unless you're very lucky, it's important to learn how to write in less-than-ideal conditions, or you'll never write regularly. Most nights during the school year, I'm exhausted from homework, extracurriculars, and life in general, but I need to learn to quit using tiredness as an excuse. I can't if I want to be a writer. Hopefully by the end of the course, I'll have built more self-discipline!

A note: it's definitely much easier to write by finding your personal ideal environment. Mine is a desk in the back corner of Harvard's Lamont Library. Desks are very private and are located next to wall outlets. I can set up my laptop, turn on some indie music (I've recently been loving this mix), and write. I used to never write with music, but found that it's actually best for me. If I'm familiar with the lyrics (so don't feel the need to listen and analyze them), the sound allows me to block out critical thoughts.

Over the next few weeks, I'll conference with my CREA instructor re: two of my short stories and have another workshopped. I'll blog again then (I promise!)

I thought I'd end this post with a little nerd humor, captured on an MIT visit today:

P.S.: I recently became much more active on my weheartit account. If you use the site, feel free to check out my profile! I heart pretty places and art, interesting characters and ideas, and anything else that strikes my fancy. 

How was your Fourth?

On Purpose

Today, I'd like to talk about purpose. That is, why do writers write? Why does anyone do anything, actually? Should our actions profit ourselves or help others, teach or entertain?

I began mulling over these questions on Monday, when my World History/Humanities teacher presented a video in class. It was interview of a surgeon at Johns Hopkins who'd helped in an Iraq vet's recent double arm transplant.

As the interviewed doctor spoke, his knowledge and experience were obvious. But what moved me was the surgery's effects. Though incredibly expensive and rare, the procedure was completely life-altering: it was allowing a man's life back. I was struck by how worthy this doctor's work was. In fact, I was so impressed, I almost wanted to become a surgeon myself for a second - before remembering I feel ill at the sight of blood.

Besides, I'm a writer, I insisted to myself. But that introduced another question: What's my purpose? My work certainly isn't saving lives - so why do I write? Why should I, when my chances of financial and critical success are so low? I'm not certain of being published, let alone being remembered or making an impact. Writing can only result in personal sleep loss and emotional strain. So why should I write, when I could become a lawyer or scientist or professor?

It may have occurred to you, if you're not a writer, that writing is easier than pursuing those other careers. Anyone can tell a story, but earning the knowledge and experience to become a lawyer/scientist/professor requires a huge amount of hard work and determination. And lots of student loans. Yet for whatever reason, I often feel that any profession must be happier than writing.

As much I love to write, I'm afraid to. I doubt my own abilities. Often I don't write for days/weeks and subsequently feel as useless as a sea sponge. (No offense to sea sponges.) Anyway: the fact is, writing is hardly ever rewarding. It's only when the finished product lies before me that I gain any satisfaction from it; first and second drafts are usually hell. My stress may be a result of my sky-high self-expectations, or the difficult topics I write about.

Yet no matter how bleak my outlook, I can't give up. I write for a purpose - to express to others how I view the world - and that drives me. I need to share my personal views and experiences with others, by necessity in an entertaining way. Plus, I love language. I love the rush of satisfaction when my words reflect my meaning, when the right words arrive. I love to imagine my characters and their adventures, I love the endless possibilities each new draft presents. Writing excites me, engages me, allows me to express myself more truly than speech. I write for a purpose - a fact which I need to remind myself of more often. Otherwise, I'll become lost in hopeless self-criticism, forgetting why I've set on such an insane mission in the first place.

Hmm. Maybe I'll have to reread this post next week, by which time I'll have forgotten my sense of purpose again.

On Free Trade and Positivity

Hey, guys! I thought I'd take a break from writing about writing, and instead blog a little about my own life. So...

Yesterday I went to Seattle with my mother and sister. We grabbed Indian food (my favorite) and visited what may now be my favorite store: One Thousand Villages. It's a free trade store, with handmade products from across the globe.The employees are volunteers. The products are all beautiful and, putting it simply, very, very cool.

These are just a few of the things we bought:

As my family drove home, I thought about writing a bit. I haven't been writing much since NaNoWriMo ended, but I'd like to return to writing regularly this coming year.

I had my birthday recently. One of the gifts, "from" my sister but bought by my mother, is a lovely new journal. I've been wondering what to do with it, and an idea occurred to me: to list the "pros" and "cons" of each day - the events which positively or negatively contributed to that day's experience.

I first tried this exercise on the 21st, the last day of school. This is the (summarized) pro/con sheet which I created:

Pro: quality time with friends, a Secret Santa gift, (successfully) speaking to the school on behalf of Community Service, pleasant conversations with a few teachers, singing with friends onstage during an assembly (fun!), providing much-needed help before school to set up for said assembly 

Con: two minor misunderstandings

It is a truth universally acknowledged that I'm a perfectionist. I focus far too much on my own mistakes, and often unconsciously exaggerate their significance. But when I practiced the good/bad events exercise the other day, I was reminded of how lucky I am, what great friends I have, and how often I'm successful in my endeavors. I think that's what I need, to become truly productive and content in life and my writing - some positivity.

Of course, the 21st was an unusually good day - probably in part because I had no academic worries (hurrah for no homework!) - but I'd still love to continue the exercise in the future. In fact, I'm considering making the pro/con journal a New Year's resolution.

What's your favorite store? Any early resolution ideas? Other thoughts?

I Survived! I Survived!

I survived NaNoWriMo!

It was a struggle, hitting that 50K mark. Others finished with insane word counts - I saw several over 100K. And then, of course, there were plenty who fought valiantly though weren't quite able to reach 50,000.

I did have my doubts throughout the month. Somewhere towards the end of Week 2, I really began to dislike my story. The characters seemed weak, the writing dull. The plot was going nowhere. I was losing faith.

Thankfully, I was able to (mostly) write my way out of the hole, reading over some of what I'd written to regain some confidence. I suffered and prevailed, and I now have a lovely, long, nearly-complete novel to edit. I won't try to work my way through the entire text this month, as some will be doing, but I'll work on it when possible. I'm currently loaded down with tests and applications - and edits to my sister's college apps.
So for right now, I'll be writing and considering ideas, but mostly taking a mini vacation. But before I go, I'd like to share with you the biggest lesson I received from NaNoWriMo: that a writer can't wait for inspiration. There is no such thing as "writer's block" - a completely inability to create new material, often cited as the cause of prolonged, creatively-dry periods.

If you're a writer, you've got to write, to push past tiredness and distraction. You can't wait for the right words. It's true that writers sometimes need breaks. I'm living proof; my break begins as soon as I finish this post. But for much of last year, during the first several months of the 2011-2012 school year, I wasn't producing anything. Not only did I not participate in NaNoWriMo 2011, but I barely wrote a word for weeks. It was the first time such a thing had occurred since I recognized my love for writing towards the end of the fifth grade.

Now, I'm determined to never let it happen again. Whatever career path I eventually choose to undertake, I want to continue writing. I don't care if I ever profit from my work; I write, first and foremost, for myself. Writing is a crucial piece of my identity; it causes me, challenges me, to view the world differently.

As a writer, it's my duty to constantly observe and reflect on the nature of the human condition. The role comes to me naturally; recording my observations, creatively transformed, only follows naturally. Thus, I've come to believe, not writing is denying a part of myself - the creative, expressive piece. Whether through blog post, poem, short story, novel, the medium of expression makes no difference.

Working with Deadlines

As you probably know, this month is NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month, for those of you who don't know. Every year, hundreds of thousands of insane, sleep-deprived writers (myself included) attempt to write a 50,000-word draft in just the month of November.

A very good question which might've just popped into your head is:Why? Why would someone write so much so quickly? Why put so much stress on yourself?

My answer is one which I'm sure a lot of WriMos share: NaNo is fun, sure, but I need to work with a deadline.

I'm a procrastinator by nature. I love to invent stories, but writing can be a tough task when I'm struggling with translating my ideas into words. So, when I'm drafting, I need to be able to really chart my progress - and to set strict goals for myself. Otherwise, I'll never get a job done fully, because I won't devote the necessary time and energy to the task. As fun as writing can be, I always find myself needing that extra push.

I love NaNo because it perfectly meets my needs. First, it forces me to write those 50,000 words - otherwise, I don't win the challenge. (Winning is a big incentive for me.) It lets a writer check her daily progress, too, on a line graph, and has forums so writers can give and gain advice on plots, character names, and more. Plus, each writer can select his or her region, and meet up with other WriMos in the area.

Do you find it necessary to work with deadlines? Ever tried NaNoWrimo, or want to in the future?

Comedy & Korean Cuisine: Adventures in California

This post will be a short mish-mash of updates. Maybe I ought to come up with a title for posts like this. "What's Up With Christina?" Gotta work on that...

If you follow me on Twitter, you might know that I spent this past weekend in California. My sister wanted to visit Stanford & UC Berkeley, and I was dragged along.

The campuses of both San Jose-area colleges were beautiful, and the weather was great. Our hotel was very cool (with East Asian decoration), and though I missed visiting the pumpkin patch, the stay was nice.

We arrived to California Thursday evening, and woke up bright and early on Friday to visit Stanford. We spent several hours on campus, and chose to hang around the hotel rather, driving up to Berkeley on Saturday. I lay in bed and read a little of "Crossed", the second book of Ally Condie's Matched series. I'd just devoured "Matched", the series' first installment, in about two days. Unfortunately, as is the usual case with sequels, "Crossed" wasn't quite as exciting as I'd hoped. I was also iffy about the POV, which is split between two major characters.

Out of some frustration but mostly tiredness, I dropped "Crossed" to watch the vice presidential debate with my mother and sister. While watching, my mother criticized one of the nominees, and I wondered how SNL would work with the material.

This is because, lately, I've been watching more comedy. I love SNL's polticial gags, as well as Catherine Tate's Lauren Cooper sketches. (This is my favorite - it's best if you're a Doctor Who fan familiar with Tate's other LC sketches.)

I bring this up because, in the past, I don't think I gave comedy quite enough credit. Though some shows' jokes are unoriginal and occasionally perverse, there's some great material out there. I've begun to have real respect for shows like The Office, which uses understated humor based on different personalities. Comedians need to understand characters and conflict, and I think every writer could learn a thing or two from comedy. After all, humor in writing can be a very difficult thing to achieve.

Anyway. After watching the VP debate and mulling over the pros of comedy, my family headed out for dinner. My mother had done a bit of research into restaurants in the area, and right near the hotel was a heavily-recommended Korean BBQ.

Unfortunately, the place wasn't vegetarian, a fact which my mother had misunderstood. She ordered a chicken dish and my sister a broth with tofu, but I had to special order. (It can be difficult to be a vegetarian who doesn't like tofu.) I asked for a broth with dumplings - or, rather, my mother did.

While we waited, a few dishes of potatoes, rice, and noodles were set out, all surprisingly tasty. I'd only ever gone to one Korean BBQ previously, near my house, and hated it. (Maybe because the latter is owned by a Japanese family.) Then my dumplings arrived, and I tried one... and freaked out.

The dumplings' filling tasted like meat. I split open two or three dumplings, and the contents looked like meat as well. For several minutes I sat petrified, waiting for our waitress to pass by again. My mother noticed my behavior and volunteered to try the dumpling, but only vaguely said that she couldn't tell what the filling was.

I was suspicious mainly because of previous mix-ups at Asian restaurants. I knew a mix-up was possible here, too, because of my unusual order. Thankfully, it turned out the filling was only fake meat - designed to taste and look like the real thing - but I was still happy the next day to fly home, where I could stay safe heating up my own nachos in the microwave.

Thoughts on the debate? Comedy? Korean cuisine?

Is It Time To Redefine Your Goals?

Hey, guys.

Lately I've been trying to head in new directions, with my writing and the blogs. For example - you might've noticed visual changes to both Writer, Bewildered and Roses & Mustard. I've been mixing and matching colors, backgrounds, and graphics to improve the looks of the sites and (hopefully) increase blog traffic.

Writing-wise, I've made a huge decision: I'm sticking to short stories.

While I was in Paris, I wrote a short story entitled "At the Zoo." I'm very happy with it because I think it marks - or I'd like it to mark - a change in my writing habits. This past year was a dry one, creatively. I produced barely anything. I wasn't committed enough - I didn't make the necessary time and energy sacrifices.

I want to change that this year by redefining my goals. I've been so focused on idea of a novel, but it's now that I'm finally realizing the truth: I'm not ready for a such a lengthy project. If I want to get anything written, I need to set smaller, manageable goals - that is, short stories by given dates.

The other change I'm making is plot-wise. I've spent the last several months developing characters for my early-twentieth century story. (It's switched from 1945 to 1922 and back again more than once.) But none of my characters have had the right spark. I've liked them, but never loved them. And this week, I finally figured out where I went wrong.

I don't really want to invent my own characters. A story I find much more compelling is the life of Anna Akhmatova, my favorite poet since I was 12, when I first discovered poetry. I'm interested in her relationship with first husband Nikolay Gumilev and her brief affair with Amedeo Modigliani - which took place in Paris. I've made my first goal to write about her and Modi's time together.

What are your goals? Do you need to redefine them, or have you had to in the past?

Oh! - last but not least, I'm heading off to the UK for 2 more weeks. I doubt I'll have time to post on the trip, but I'll see you again September 9th.

And did I mention my Kindle got broken? Well, my Kindle got broken. I might blog about the experience when I return...

Oh, Commitment

If you know me, it's no secret that I have troubles with commitment. I'll promise to write a blog post on Sunday and wait till Tuesday, promise to spend an hour with the WiP and spend 15 minutes writing a paragraph...

So. Commitment issues.

As every serious writer knows, it's not easy to complete every task we set ourselves up for. Writing can be a stressful process. It takes time, which those with full- or part-time jobs may find lacking. Personally, I find myself with an average of at least 2-3 hours of homework each night, plus 1 hour walks in the morning and at least 1 hour of community service activities every week day (from tutoring to Honor Society to a school community service club.) That's a lot to juggle, and I often don't get nearly as much sleep as I'd like. (I usually get about 6 hours of sleep during the school year.) My habits aren't healthy - I gain weight, feel stressed... and my writing is also affected. It's difficult to write every day - some days, I simply don't have the time, or am so tired that forcing words out is no more than an unpleasant chore.

So how to keep up productivity? In my view, morale comes first. So put in place a reward system. Write a poem and grab a bowl of ice cream. Finish a chapter and spend some time catching up on your favorite TV shows. And that brings me to an important point - don't neglect friends and family. Remember: writing is important, but you have a life to live! (Besides, experiences equal inspiration. I don't know about you, but most of my writing is somehow inspired by my experiences. Important events leads to new plots. My characters may be shaped by fictional characters, but for the most part they're based on myself and my interactions with friends and family.)

How do you stay committed to your writing? Do you use a reward system? What's your trick for balancing writing and life?

Put Twitter Down! & Tidbits

If you follow my personal Twitter, you'll know that I went to Point Defiance Zoo over the weekend.

You'll also know that I was taking a lot of pictures and tweeting them.

Now I'm not usually the type to be glued to my phone, but yesterday was an exception. I love going to the zoo - I haven't gone since November last year - and I thought it would be nice to have those tweets up. For that purpose, I don't regret it.

However, I actually took more pictures than I put up, because my phone ran out of battery. I had to switch to my mom's camera - which I really love, I've got to say. But I'm glad my phone died on me for more reason than that.

Technology is a distraction.

It's the truth, plain and simple. It's part of the reason why I've been giving - or not giving - some extreme neglect to my GoodReads and Tumblr.

For that matter, I'm glad for two books I ordered the other day - "The Inside Story" and "The Council of Mirrors" by Michael Buckley. They're books 8 and 9 of his Sisters Grimm series, about two kids who learn that fairytales are real and their characters are living in the girls' home of Ferryport Landing.

I read books 1 through 7 of the series years ago, but I finally picked up 8 and 9 after a conversation with a friend. I enjoyed these last two, but I got more from them than a few hours of entertainment: I got a break from technology. A break from Netflix, a break from TV, a break from the Internet...

Yesterday, after my phone died, I still wanted to post some more tweets. So I took pictures on my mom's camera and began to write down on the back of a receipt what I wanted to say.

Except what began to form wasn't tweets. It was story ideas. And last night, it evolved into the first few paragraphs of a short story.

Guys, this is big business. I've barely been writing this year, and all of a sudden I get a short story idea - but not just an idea. An idea I love.

And here's the thing: showering today, I thought of two more ideas. After taking notes on them for several minutes, I realized I'd enjoy writing them too.

A trip to the zoo, a dead phone, and ideas for three short stories? What's up?!

...

In other news:

1. I loved the "Once Upon a Time" finale (can't wait for season 2!.) But I wanted to marry, intensely, the end of "The Vampire Diaries" season 3. Sure, this year has had its ups and downs... but I frickin' loved that finale!!!

2. I really want to go to Yale. Yeah, crazy, I know... but dreamy. (I love the Harvard campus... but I'm thinking Yale for early decision.)

3. Over the weekend, I was ranting to my mother about America's public education system. Specifically, my Chemistry class, and the age-old question: "The chicken or the egg - did the teachers or students go rotten first?" It's sad, and ironic, since my school's supposed to be among the top in the state - but I really only enjoy one of my classes, Algebra II. And I don't like algebra.

Do you feel more inspired when you're around less tech? Any amazing TV you've been watching? Any general excitements or irritations?